My One True Friend

When I am alone, and in the dark, who else can I turn to, but you my one true friend. I call out your name and you are there, you have proven yourself time and again. And yet here I sit crying out loud my heart in pain for what I do not have, when you father have truly given me so much more than I will ever understand. I call aloud the promises that you told me along ago- I am clinging to them, because it’s all I know. Oh Lord don’t forsake me- please don’t leave me now, I am so lonely, and you are the only one who can truly calm my pain. This is me father crying out to you, showing you my heart asking how to exist in a world that despises me so. I miss what I cannot have, I long for something more… help me father to be content in the idea that you always know. This is my prayer, oh my hearts desire… I want you to be my comforter in all times. I want to praise you even when I cannot understand. I need your help my one true friend. Why did they leave father? I may never know, help me to find peace knowing you are in control. I am scared father to give anymore, but what I have is not mine – it is yours, and it is not mine to hold. So if my friendships continue to fail, and the seasons continue to feel like a hell, please let me rest assure on your promises to know you are there. I will praise you father amidst the storm because your power is greater and more awesome than my storm. You calm the seas with a whisper of breath; the power you hold is where my faith stands. You know my life better than I, that is why you are worth it – thank you for trying. Your patience with me in far more than I deserve, and when I get cut deep - there you are encouraging me, pressing me, pushing me to go on, not to rely on myself but your everlasting arms. I am still hurting father – but onward I go, the lessons you taught me about life, some may never know. Thank you for not judging me by the values that man does, because through their eyes I would never survive. In your eyes father, I know I am alive… help me to see myself the way that you do, because right now I feel ugly, unlovable, and used. I wish I could offer you everything you deserve, but all I have is me… there is not much worth. What I have is yours, I must continue to give… even though I don’t understand, because every time I try to give up… I remember your commands. Lord please forgive me for all the pain I have caused, if I have hurt others… show me how to make it right, because no matter what – I cannot give up the fight. Life does not end until you take your last breath, and Lord I will continue to praise you long after my death. While I want answers I desire joy and peace more, please father help me to find what I am looking for….