I am tired.... I am physically and emotionally worn out. Working two jobs, going to school 18 credit hours, attempting any social life, dealing with two car accidents, and no car - this is getting to me. I know something has to give - but what?

I do not know whether it is the weather, the atmosphere, or the way I stretch myself out. I feel sad today, not depressed sad, not piercing heart sad, just sad. I miss my best friend a lot today. I haven't been able to talk to her in a week... today would have been the kind of day where we would have both skipped classes (even Teri) went to my neighbors house and bake banana bread and talk about stupid silly things over a cup of hot (decaf) tea. I am reminicing (sp?) about the comforts in the past, and I am sad that today, in this moment I am not able to have that very thing.

It is nothing that I will not get over, it is nothing that I want to discuss too much with my best friend, because just as it is painful for me to know that I cannot have these memories back, it hurts her as well. I am blessed, I have my neighbors, my sister, my future brother in law, my dog, a great roommate, and unGodly amounts of homework and work to do to keep me busy and comforted. My best friend is thousands of miles away - and for her environment, while good, there is no place of escape. In this I am blessed... and yet even knowing this, I am selfish - so much so. I only want what I cannot have, and only desire the impossible.

Lord? When will you be enough? When will I look to you and know that regardless of the life around me, you will be enough. My plans fail, and people don't really like me much, I want to only rely on you.... Help? I need a vehicle, I need to slow down, I need an opportunity to succeed... If it is there, show me? Above anything I think I know - I know this. Life without you would be my hell... Thank you for the blessings of today - assure me that your promises are true.