You don't get to tell me no!

I have had a great eventful day… but as I sit here and sleep – memories of last night seep into my brain, and I am getting a little pissed off.

I have been your friend, that will not change… but when I am going through something, when it is my heart is bleeding and aching inside my chest, when I am going through something you could never possibly understand, because you are not me – you do not get to look me in the eyes and tell me “not tonight, I don’t want to tonight.” You do not know what words were going to come out of my mouth… but in my house, you do not get to govern them. If you have a problem with it… leave! I have sat endless hours listening to you, I understand you are going through a lot of drama – but never once did I tell you that I did not want to hear it, never once did I belittle you in front of your friends, never once did I treat you less than human for your mistakes. When I ask for a little compassion my way, you have the nerve to look me in the eyes and say “not tonight?”

If you knew I was going through a lot – why come over? I am very disciplined in how I deal with my stuff. I give myself 24 hours to go through my emotions… and while yes it still bothers me, I am the only one who truly understands what it takes to get over them. Another words, do not tell me to shut up in my own house – especially when I have never once told you to. I let you stay, I watch you do whatever it is that you do to make yourself cope, and I have supported it. Right now though… I really look at you and I think, who the heck do you think you are? Yeah I do. Yeah you are going through a lot, but it gives you no right to treat me like garbage – that stuff belongs in the trash. I am slightly sad I feel this way, but mostly pissed off.

Whatever, I know you will probably read this, and again whatever. I went out of my way to see you when things were tight, I have never shut your emotions down, and I have never looked you in the eyes and said “not tonight.” Not when it comes to releasing emotions from your heart. Whatever ok? I have shown you love and compassion… I will continue to, but right now for this moment? This is how I feel about you. I told you I would tell you if I was ever upset with you… I got to wait a few days before telling you – because this will piss you off. I tell you my heart is aching, and you tell me to get laid? What the heck kind of friend does that – and I do not care if it is joking or not. When someone is sensitive, have some freaking tact? If getting laid was the answer – there would be a lot less problems in this world.

I am pretty much tired, I am pretty much emotionally barren, I turned to a friend who told me to talk to them when things were hard – and you friggin kicked me when I was down… in front of someone else who was trying to cheer me up. I am really upset with you… no offense, but I feel really blown off by you too. I have spent too much time letting people treat me like you did last night, and I am not letting it go on anymore.

It is simple, respect me and my emotions, my wars, my hurts, my pains, MY LIFE, be honest with me, and don’t take a low blows to get your way. I am not asking you to accept them… frankly I don’t care if you accept it. That is what I ask for… and I am a little tired of people who don’t. So if you have decided to be one of those people… you might want to do a double take, because it’s gonna be a long road.