The art of love is a confusing state, how many times it plays with our minds. It is an all consuming word that takes over very thoughts and drives even the most "normal" to the brink of insecurity and back. What can we do? Even when I do not think about love, I am thinking about love. A contradiction in terms and a redundant reiteration of it makes me crazy!

Theresa Marie

Imagine Big

You remeber how it felt as a little kid to dream big? I mean really big... so big you could convince yourself that you were invisible, or better yet that you could fly? Remeber when chopsticks were magic wands, and the kitchen table was your fort? I remeber when I really believed my Barbie dolls were talking, but only I could hear them.... remeber when your imagination could take you anywhere by just closing your eyes?

For a long time I forgot how to imagine - how to see everything as a possibility. This ran into every part of my life - EVERY PART! I couldn't imagine what I wanted to be, my dreams? Well, I had no aspirations. I knew what I was good at... but while I wanted more - I had no large gimongo goal to go after. School was a safety for me, I knew I wanted my degree more than anything - but what was I going to do with it? I felt locked up in a dark room... with doors surrounding me, and unsure which to choose - every path felt so wrong, but some lead to the potential of a sound future.

Now... oh yes now, that excitement has returned, the little spark that makes me want more! When did it return? The moment I saw my professor on Tuesday night... when she was excited to see me, whe she told me she uses my Will and Grace script to teach the difference between show versus tell ( in a good way). When she told me that I should pursue and continue my writing, because I have that potential! Do you know what it feels like to have someone you look up to so much, that for half of the semester you could sense the very greatness of all her knowledge it terrifyed you? And she tells you how amazed she is at your descriptive script writing? It humbled and excited me in a way I have not felt in ages... I mean I think it has been at least ten years since I have been this motivated and excited about my potential future.

Do not let this confuse you, I do not intend on writing scripts for my future... albeit I love doing it - and I will continue it as a hobby. Who knows, I might have the opportunity to pitch my writing someday. But, what I want more than anything is to discover where I fit in - in this massive world of Media, and this class.... this amazing eye popping, challenging, terrifying class is going to get me there! My imagination is going wild, the possibility makes my eyes sparkle.... and knowing I will have the opportunity makes me dream again....

funny thing

So a funny thing happened tonight.... I came home after classes, and kicked some butt in Tetris! Okay so that is not the funny thing. The funny thing is I found myself alone in the house, if you know anything about my house... well it is rare that you find a moment alone. So there I was in a quiet house, and I was not sure what to do with myself. So I picked up my cell and called to find out when everyone was coming home, no answers *sigh* I did what any college student would do... I umm turned on the boob tube and secretly hoped that adventure would come my way.

My cell rings, and who is it? My roommate... and she is stuck on the side of the road! EEEk so at 11pm at night I track my way across town with a gas can to help my roomie. So fast forward about ten minutes... we arrive back at my roommates car with a full gas can. We get the gas can out of my car and first thing? Well she spilled it all over herself... we now smell like burley men YUM! Then we get it to the car, and start pouring it in... only to find that the hose attachment fell back into the can - gas goes everywhere! This gas can was heavy too... it took the both of us to lift it - and did I mention we were standing on the side of a steep hill. WE TOTALLY COULD HAVE ROLLED DOWN AT ANY SECOND! Finally we get the gas to fill up, and we stand there talking about how moments of such frustration are actually hilarious and how we react - define us. As we are discussing and laughing... people are passing and staring and all of a sudden gas starts pouring out on the both of us... ICK!

So now we smell like gas... My roommates car is working... she is off to the gym... and I am on my way home. My phone rings... I cannot talk on it because my hands smell like gas and I was getting all high from the fumes... An adventurous night? Oh yes... did I mention this was a funny thing? he he

when all is said and done

Have you ever made a decision that you knew was right for you... but at the end of the night, you still kinda regretted it? It is weird... when I made this decision I was excited to make it, certain I had done the right thing, even a bit proud of myself. Then later on that evening, you find out stuff - and you question your decision. I really dislike that feeling, of questioning what I know is right for me. What is wrong with me??? (that is rhetorical, please don't answer...) Regardless, I am still proud of my decision. I am happy with what I did, just questioning the what if's....

Everyone else is doing it....

Me
[x ] I am shorter than 5'4.[x] I think I'm ugly sometimes.(most of the time...)[x] I have many scars.[x] I tan easily.[ ] I wish my hair was a different color. [ ] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.[ ] I have a tattoo.[x] I am self-conscious about my appearance.[ ] I've had/have braces.[x] wear glasses/contacts.[x] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. (I'd have the scars removed.)[x] I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.[ ] I have freckles.

Family/Home Life
[x] I've sworn at my parents. [ ] I've been kicked out of the house.[x] My biological parents are together.[ ] I have a sibling less than one-year-old.[ ] I want to have kids someday.[ ] I've had children.[ ] I've lost a child.[ ] I'm a lost child.

School/Work
[x] I'm in school.[x] I have a job. [x] I've fallen asleep at work/school. [x] I almost always do my homework.[x] I've missed a week or more of school. [ ] I've been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.[ ] I failed more than one class last year.[ ] I've stolen something from my job.[ ] I've been fired.[x] I've skipped school.

Embarrassment
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.[x] Disney movies still make me cry.[ ] I've peed from laughing.[x] I've snorted while laughing.[x] I've laughed so hard I've cried.[x] I've glued my hand to something. (Paper)[ ] I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.[x] I've had my pants rip in public

Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.[x] I've gotten stitches.[ ] I've broken a bone.[ ] I've had my tonsils removed.[x] I've sat in a doctors office with a friend.[x] I've had my wisdom teeth removed.[ ] I had a serious surgery.[x] I've had chicken pox.

Traveling
[x] I've driven over 200 miles in one day.[x] I've been on a plane.[ ] I've been to Canada.[x] I've been to Mexico.[ ] I've been to Niagara Falls.[x] I've been to Japan.[ ] I've celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.[ ] I've been to Europe.[ ] I've been to Africa.

Experiences
[x] I've gotten lost in my city.[x] I've seen a shooting star.[x] I've wished on a shooting star.[ ] I've seen a meteor shower.[x] I've gone out in public in my pajamas.[x] I've pushed all the buttons on an elevator.[x] I've kicked a guy where it hurts. [x] I've been to a casino.[ ] I've been skydiving.[x] I've been an abuse victim.[ ] I've gone skinny dipping.[ ] I've drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour. [ ] I've crashed a car.[x] I've been skiing[x] I've been in a play. [x] I've met someone in person from the Internet. [x] I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.[ ] I've seen the Northern Lights.[x] I've sat on a roof top at night.[ ] I've played chicken.[x] I've played a prank on someone.[x] I've ridden in a taxi.[x] I've seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.[x] I've eaten sushi.[ ] I've been snowboarding.

Relationships
[x] I'm single.[ ] I'm in a relationship.[ ] I'm engaged.[ ] I'm married.[x] I've had someone cheat on me.[x] I've gone on a blind date.[x] I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.[x] I miss someone right now.[ ] I have a fear of commitment.[x] I have a fear of abandonment.[ ] I've gotten divorced.[x] I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.[ ] I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.[x] I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.[x] I've kept something from a past relationship.

Sexuality
[ ] I've had a crush on someone of the same sex.[x] I've had a crush on a teacher. [x] I love to flirt.[ ] I've been kissed in the rain/snow.[x] I've hugged a stranger.[x] I have kissed a stranger.

Honesty/Crime
[ ] I am a terrible liar.[x] I've snuck out of my house.[x] I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.[x] I've done something I promised myself I wouldn't.[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.[x] I am keeping a secret from the world.[x] I've cheated while playing a game.[x] I've run a red light.[ ] I've witnessed a crime.[x] I've been in fights.[ ] I've been arrested.

Drugs/Alcohol
[ ] I regularly drink.[ ] I've passed out from drinking.[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.[ ] I've smoked weed.[ ] I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.[ ] I'm a stoner.[ ] I've snorted cocaine.[ ] I've eaten shrooms.[ ] I've popped E.[ ] I've inhaled Nitrous.[ ] I've done hard drugs.[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.[ ] I can't swallow pills.[ ] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem.[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.[ ] I shut others out when I'm depressed.[ ] I take anti-depressants.[ ] I'm anorexic or bulimic.[ ] I've slept an entire day when I didn't need it.[ ] I've hurt myself on purpose.[ ] I'm addicted to self harm.[x] I've woken up crying.[x] I've cried myself to sleep.[ ] I see a therapist.

Death and Suicide
[ ] I'm afraid of dying.[x] I hate funerals.[x] I've seen someone dying.[x] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.[ ] I've planned my own suicide.[ ] I've attempted suicide.[ ] I've written a eulogy for myself.

Materialism
[x] I own over 5 rap CDs.[x] I own an iPod or MP3 player.[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.[x] I own multiple designer purses, costing over $100 a piece. (I use to, all gifts)
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.[ ] I collect comic books.[x] I own something from The Gap.[ ] I own something I got on e-bay.[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.

Political/Social Attitudes
[ ] In general, I don't like people.[x] I'm a feminist. (I believe in the power of a female, not that they are the only power)[x] I'm outgoing.[ ] I listen to political music.[ ] I HATE political music[ ] I'm Democratic. (not telling)[ ] I'm Republican. (not telling)[ ] I'm liberal. (not telling)[ ] I don't like Bush because he is dumb.[ ] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.[ ] I am for Bush.[x] I'm religious. (spiritual, definitely NOT religious)[ ] I dress fairly modestly.[ ] My attitude is, "If you've got it, flaunt it."

Random
[x] I can sing well. [ ] I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.[ ] I open up to others easily.[ ] I watch the news. [ ] I don't kill bugs.[x] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.[ ] I curse regularly. [x] I sing in the shower.[ ] I am a morning person.[x] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.[ ] I'm a snob about grammar. [ ] I am a sports fanatic. [ ] I twirl my hair.[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name[ ] I love Spam.[ ] I copied more than 30 CD's in a day.[x] I bake well.[x] My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.[ ] I like Martha Stewart.[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.[x] I am in love with love.[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.[x] I laugh at my own jokes.[ ] I eat fast food weekly.[ ] I believe in ghosts.[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.[ ] I've not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.[x] I am really ticklish. (it’s horrible!)[x] I love white chocolate.[ ] I bite my nails. [x] I play video games. [x] I'm good at remembering faces.[x] I'm good at remembering names[x] I'm good at remembering dates.[x] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.[x] My answers are totally honest.

Hula Mania

So after a hard day yesterday, I went to work out to clear my head. IT felt fantastic, I was able to get in 3 miles WOO HOO! Well the night brought on so much more adventure, and once again I found myself at 11pm at night needing to clear my head. Unfortunately, my gym closes at 10pm, so what do I do?

For Christmas I bought my sister some tapes she had been requesting, one of them belly dancing and the other? Hula!! So my sister popped in the tape and we began to Hula... then who walks in? AMY!!! Yes so there we were at 11:30 at night, Hannah, Amy, and I shaking it and cracking up because the living room is small and we were trying to shake our hips like the pineapple whip girl while moving our feet and God knows what else. All the while bumping into each other - honestly I think Shyanne was right: our lives in this house is like a reality TV show - a really funny one at least. ( I wonder who would watch?)

So it turns out, the hula is a harder workout that 3 miles on the elliptical. I mean my arms, my butt, my abs, EVEN my toes were sore! Not to mention the three of us huffing and puffing like we had just run a marathon. I think we are going to try it again this weekend.... anyone up for a Hula lesson?

Rejected

I got an e-mail from an old friend. A friend that I really thought that our relationship would get past all this rocky stuff.... and I got rejected. *sigh* it hurts... killer hurts. I really miss this person A LOT. I got the "we are still friends, but can't hang out ever, our time is passed, but say 'hi' to me from across the room when you see me with no deep conversation." I had a friend relationship with this person, and my heart feels a little torn thinking about the whole thing. A lot because I know that the definition of friendship for this person and my definition are pretty similar... so that whole "we are still friends" bull really is a cordial way of saying.... "It's over" but it means the same, hurts the same, and is unfair!

I am having a real hard time not blaming other people right now for this. Lord you are going to have to help me with this one, and letting go... definately not going to be able to on my own. I don't like this feeling... Why can't everything just be fixed?

Much Love

So I end my night talking to my best friend Sai. Gosh I miss her ... no one quite gets me like she does.... It has been nearly five months since she departed, and so so much has happened in her absence. I enjoy taking the time to talk with her more frquently, somehow it makes me feel less lonely. Still, sometimes it feels like a bad dream I cannot wake up from. My neice Teri is having her 6th birthday next month, and well, it will be the first one I will miss since the day she was born. God, why does this have to be so rough? I mean I should be happy knowing she is doing well, and is healthy. I should be excited that Teri is doing good at school... and yet while I am happy, I am also selfish.

This is where I need to remeber that God has provided. He has provided and I should not be selfish with his blessings! A friend and I were talking about faith the other day and the true meaning. One of the conclusions that we arrived at was this "Faith is when you have NOTHING left, and yet you still believe." The Lord has truly blessed me. I had nothing, and he provided - and I have never had to be without because of his love and grace. I have to remeber that, while my friend is not next door - she is still available, and still wonderful! Sometimes faith is the only thing that brings me through... Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto thine own understandings....Thank goodness the Lord knows our humaness and takes time to remind us to trust him!

I hope the Lord blesses Sai, like she has blessed me. She deserves wonderful things- and great opportunity. Thank you Lord for the opportunity to have such a friendship!

Much Love

My Big Fat Fortune Cookie

So I was going through some of my writings ... and I stumbled on one I wrote on January 16, 2001,... I wrote it in my "happiness series" and it made me laugh. I wanted to share it somewhere, and I thought what better place than my blogg? Before I did though, I shared it with my sister and she said "Sounds like a big giant fortune cookie!" So without further ado I present to you "Lemonade."


Lemonade?

As quoted, "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." Lemons commonly represent a sour or bitter situation that we have been hurled into, with or without our control. To create lemonade out of Lemons is to sweeten the hardship a bit, and make the sour situation not so difficult - and easier to swallow. We commonly misrepresent this as saying "a positive outlook, or situation will bring us out of this situation we are facing." Not true, each situation that we "get into" requires a certain amount of growth to get out of. We as human beings must grow. Staying dormant is the opposite of which we were created for. Becoming a better person after a situation, that in and of itself is growth.

Many examples of growth is learning to face problems head on, and to depend on others for the help we need. It helps us weed out the true friends that we have, and cherish those more like a beautiful flower that was once choked by a weed. Often we need this situation, although very painful. More often than not, as a simple person we know that as happiness hits, we tend to waste most of the happiness on anticipating the hurt that is before us. A waste of energy and time, but we feel the happier the times, the worse the situation we have to conquer later. Our lives thrive on ambition and persistence. We know deep within our soul that as soon as the rain clouds subside, the sun will show itself and we will be "rewarded" for all our hard times, That is why we do not quit to pursue a goal that only we will feel accomplishment for.

Instead of waiting for the rain clouds to go away, look to the rain. Then, as soon as the rain begins to pour, go outside in a big yellow raincoat, look to the sky and dance! Jump in each puddle to say, " I know my life is hard, but I will find time to enjoy myself. I will learn more about who I am, whether or not the times are bad." The friends who are willing to go out in the rain with you to jump in the puddles along side you are your true friends. The ones who stand inside their houses looking at you like you have lost your mind, those are the friends to be mindful of. They are the ones who may not be there the next time you have to make lemonade. Be wary though, misjudgment of character can leave you with something even more painful, broken friendships. Beware not to hurt people who do not show the way they care in the same way you do. How many times have we felt accomplishment by someone who we felt was cold-hearted, and when they smiled at you and acknowledged your presence and they bent when you were in need. That is caring in it's rawest form. So when the rain clouds come, and the puddles haven't been filled, don't wait for the sunshine to make lemonade.

A Nice Day

*smile* such a good day.... complete with an early morning rehearsal, a nice hot shower, lunch at the Rasta Grill, falling asleep to the sounds of Atari,a nap, a long talk with a friend, poker, and then another couple of long phone conversations - ending with talking to Teri Lynn.... my day? Totally awesome!

Arcade of Love!

What a fun night!

So here I am again... nearly 5am and not sleeping... why? because I have been sewing! Yes one of my secret loves. It is astounding to me how you can take remnants of fabric, and create this whole new function thing. I have not sewn in nearly a year, and I was a little rusty. Now I know you are all waiting in anticipation to find out what I have been working on, so here goes:

A few days ago, my roommate Amy tells me about this new Theatre program they are working on at the church. I was completely excited about this new adventure both for my roommate, and even more so for NorthPoint! Well I offered to help any way I could, and low and behold an opportunity arises!! WOO HOO In the mail Amy had recieved a package with her costume in it - when the costume was put together - well lets leave it at: "It had potential" and me being the Theresa gurl I am, well I was dying to unlock that potential! So I went out and bought the extra fabric... That costume has been on my mind all evening... "A" frame skirt, new patches... but I also made plans for the evening, so the costume had to wait.

Tonight I went back to 1984... seriously folks most of us can remeber the decade of huge hair, mullets, fushia lips with matching polish, hair bands, and pop rocks. There was however some super great things I remeber about the 80's, and vintage video games are one of my favorites! Now? Yes now Springfield, Missouri has something that will blast you to the past with bad graphics, competition, and delayed reactions and that is 1984, a vintage 80's arcarde!!! You pay a cover price and for up to 7 hours you can play unlimited games....*sigh* Well my competitve streak came out and bared her ugly head tonight.... it is so rare that I even care about competition that it cracks even me up when all of a sudden I have to be better than someone else... and tonight? The torment of the night was called Cypress.

I must have played that stinkin game for at least a couple of hours! I got in, and on the first try took first place on the existing score board. Then my friend found out and BAAM he beat my score by like 10,000 I was so ticked! So I eased my way back over and played for at least 45 minutes and took over every slot on the score board except 2nd. Then my friend saw that, and played. He then got himself back into 1st slot! GRRRR It was on... yeah it was on like icing on a cupcake... The whole night was spent defending my spot in first, and at the end of the night- when the arcade was about to kick us out? Yeah I beat his score by 4000... Go Theresa, Go Theresa!

So we got home about 11:30 at night, and the thought of costume altering began to loom in my head once more... I came home, and set up the sewing machine... yeah I have been sewing, and now... well all that is left is the collar, the elastic for the waist, and sizing for the length of the skirt. I cannot wait until Amy wakes up!!! I can try it on her, and then make the final alterations... Next project.... paint the hallway, finish my quilt, and finally paint that picture in my head!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/95145968@N00/ pictures of the arcade.

GRRR Can't sleep.....

Almost 4:43 am and I am still up.... Can't sleep~~~!!! grrrrr... so I wrote about a billion poems and posted some of them on my other site... I miss my lap top, I need to send it off. Now I am watching cartoons.

Today was an eventful day... and I am glad that everything worked out. Oh yes and my sister and I picked out a paint color for the entry way and hallway!!!! I am so excited, it is a almost a sugar cookie color. I think it will add alot of warmth, and with the new redesign of the entry way, well I am excited!

Oh yes, and I forgot to mention my birthday! hmm let's see.... ok here is the low down:

I made up my mind to have the most fantastical day, sooooo I did! See normally every year, everyone is so partied out from the holidays, that they just ask to celebrate my birthday another day... and my poor date of birth goes on being ignored. This year, I was determined to have a wonderful day, regardless of tired people! I woke up at 7:30am with my phone ringing off the hook... my mother was on the other end singing me happy birthday, now usually I would be a tad irritated at such an early wake up call, but after this many years - I am use to it. Every year my father calls me ultra early, and reminds me how I should be happy that he did not wake me up earlier... like I did him when I was born. Now I know I am errr ... 23 but that story still doesn't get old! Oh yes, and my MOM remebered my birthday. I was incredibly honored, my mother forgets her own birthday... so being woken up at 7:30 am to hear her beautiful voice was a great start to a wonderful day. Then I went back to bed for a while... WOO HOO!

Then I just hung out with my sister for a while, just kickin and enjoying myself! Oh yes, this year I also determined that I would not be reminding anyone about my birthday... This way I would SUPER DE DUPER appreciate those who took time to wish me happy birthday, so as calls or text came in I was ecstatic! Then people came over and we decided to go out for Korean food... it was fun! Then off to bowling - and finishing the night with a movie. *sigh* a most happy day. I got most of my birthday wishes 1) to be around friends and family 2) to have fun 3) to smile all day 4) to appreciate the whole day 5)a new cell phone! The only birthday wish I lacked was : seeing my parents, seeing my best friend and her daughter, oh yes and the ever predictable "I wanna win the 2 gazillion dollar power ball lottery thingie!"

Oh yes and the following day held great birthday suprises as well... I listened to 3 voicemails I didn't check from the day before and they were wonderfully funny birthday wishes.. and a late birthday card in the mail from my Godfather!


So yeah... now it is like 5:27am... I am so friggin tired, but at the same time... I just watched the funniest Fresh Prince episode, "Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped turned up-side-down, now I'd like to take a minute just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel-Air....."

OFFICIALLY CLOSED!

So 2005 is officially over... I am happy and sad in so many ways... Sad that time has yet again passed without fufilling all the goals that I set for 2005 - but happy because this past year has been one of the roughest in my life. This year I have experienced amazing amounts of joy, and extreme levels of sadness. Yet it was an accomplishing year, not because of what other people can see - but the secret gains.

This was one of the best New Years' ever! Well minus a few family and friends. I did the First Night thing downtown with Amy, Ryan, and Ryan! FUN STUFF... We started out at the Mud House, then moved on to 1984 (an 80's arcade) - where I met an old friend that I haven't seen in nearly eight years, we spent about twenty minutes catching up, and then our group went to eat at Trolley's. Now I have to say going to Trolley's on pub crawl night worried me slightly, but I hear the food was good - so we went. We talked about theology, politics and Biblical priniciples in a bar like atmosphere!!! CRAZY! We went to the Abundant Life Center to watch a small magic show (corny!), then headed off to go to the Landers Theatre to watch a show put on by the "Yes Troupe" essentially a bunch of talented teenagers performing exerpts from musical theatre shows. Fun! Next, we went to watch the Skinny Improv guys back at the Abundant Life Center.... and I got called up on stage (whole new story for another day) let's just say I was FREAKED OUT! Then fireworks as a grand finale... *sigh* it was a beautiful night!

So in order for me to properly bid adieu to 2005, I normally outline one significant event that happened each month of that year... so that I can be sure closure is complete and I am ready for a fresh start... for the lucky readers of "enamored opportunity" lol... welcome to the stranger more retentive side of my blog.

January 2005: I went to New York for the first time with my best friend Saite. I started a journey of conquering fear by going to the Empire State Building. I saw the incredible beauty of diversity, and learned more about the business. I also developed a more profound respect for my mother's dedication to her work. I also prepared for a huge relocation, and a career change.

February 2005: I moved to Texas, and started a career change... one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. I said goobye to friends and family and left.... Emotional rollercoaster of a month! Started a new job, very hard to understand.

March 2005: Continued to work in Texas, discovered my dissatisfaction with where I was. Worked for the Airport Convention trade show for Serendipity in San Antonio, made a trip to Missouri to figure some things out...

April 2005: Decided that the career path was not what I wanted at that time (in Texas) moved back to Missouri. Started looking for a church, found North Point at the end of the month.

May 2005: Made really great friends at North Point - started hanging out and doing outreaches. Began my adventures with water (and conquering that fear!)

June 2005: Really started getting involved at North Point, conquered a lot of fears... 1) opening up my home to people I did not know very well 2) waterskiing 3) riding in a Jeep 4) found out my best friend was moving....(very upsetting)

July 2005: Waterskied all by my self!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Really became involved in Oxygen small group at North Point. Decided to go back to school!

August 2005: Went to Texas to do a live TV spot for Serendipity, My best friend of 8 years moved away (still miss her). Became involved with the Ten small group. My favorite... helped volunteer to makeover Roberson Elementary School with the church! Started school! Tried Tubing for the first time. Went to the lake at night - and swam in the moonlight...

September 2005: Was in a car accident that totalled my poor little Mazda, Lost two very close friends (not dead, just not friends anymore), met some new people.

October 2005: Met a new really great friend! Went to Corn Maize (first time!) Huge Presentation for Media... lost my voice for a couple of weeks. Wrote my first radio play. Went to my first alumni college dance... Lost another few friends (again, not dead, just not friends anymore). Decided not to go to church as often for a while anymore... big fights with God...

November 2005: My pet bird died.... Tired of going to church, pretty much stopped. Huge sales presentation for management class (incredibly successful!)Stopped going to small groups... still struggling with understanding what was going on in my life... Celebrated Thanksgiving with sister in Missouri without parents... made my first turkey and sweet potato dish.

December 2005: Finished the semester of college! Only two more to go!!!! Still struggling with God... not understanding Christians and their cruelty. Went to Texas to do some advertising and closing work. Celebrated a fabulous Christmas with my parents!!! Lap Top broke, conquered some last fears, RECIEVED CLOSURE!!!!! NO MORE LOOMING HORRIBLE FEELINGS I AM FREE!!!!!! Celebrated one of the most WONDERFUL New Year's Eves EVER!!!

I am excited about the new year.... I am excited about the opportunity... Can't wait to make some resolutions, goals, and take time to learn something new... I'll keep you posted.